A lonely heart
by kiskinder
Summary: Lonely, forgotten, hurt, confusion. As characters face their inner struggles they must find solutions to resolve them and put their inner turmoil at rest. A group of one shots. mainly Doctor and river orientated.
1. The doctors shame

A/N:** hey guys, long time no post. Anyways this sorry as you can see is not a bleach story but a doctor who. I wrote a few doctor who ones and have decided to publish them here because I was inspired by two people writing their. Own ;). Anyways this story is based after a small event that will be posted at a later date. However, it isn't really significant for this story as such. To give the little bit of information needed to understand a will certain character and her relationship tell you. Cathie is Jennies daughter and Jennie has passed away. She met the doctor a small while back and that story is for another time. Anyways on with the show. Rates T due to mild language.**

**For Catherine, a believer and inspirer of me. Thank you x**

Lonely. He seemed forever lonely. Only ever feeling content, and home when she was with him. She, that crazy, wild, dangerous yet irresistible, woman with the untameable hair. Yet she was not here. No one was here with him. He was alone.

Sitting on the steps of the TARDIS, he stared at nothing in particular, making patterns on the wall in his minds eye. A unicorn, a Bowie, a fez. A woman with crazy hair. He shook his head and brushed back his floppy hair. He needed to get a grip, he knew he did. It wasn't his fault. she was gone and he had to accept the fact she didn't want him sighed and got up deciding he needed to so something and fast before he went crazy with her stuck in his thoughts.

After a long and hard think about where to go and what to do he decided to visit someone he hasn't seen in a long while...Cathie. After all they had been through he knew she would understand his loneliness. With Clara busy as well he needed to talk to someone and she was the next best thing.

With that in mind he set off. Arriving at Cathie's house he hesitated at the door. "What if she doesn't want to see me?" He thinks to himself as he holds his hand midway between knocking on the door and scratching his head. He bites his lip worried, just as the door opens.

"See what did I tell you?" An all too familiar American accent says. "I told ya I heard the TARDIS and here he is."

"Hello Jack," the Doctor replies his eyes nervously trailing to Cathie who is not far behind.

"Is that it? A hello? No hug or kiss or I missed your lovely and beautiful company too jack?"

"I came to have a word with Cathie," the Doctor replies his eyes showing the pain and hurt he was feeling. Noticing this immediately jack nodded and left.

"Come on," Cathie says her voice quiet and also sounding a little disheartened as if she already knew what he was going to say, in more ways than one she was smarter than people gave her credit for. She was exactly like her mother in that sense although the running gene never took up much. She had his gene of reading instead. And he couldn't have been more happier to have this wonderful granddaughter. But right now, he needed a friend.

Once inside he found himself holding a cup of tea and Jamie dodgers being set out in front of him. Nodding his thanks he stared at them leaving them untouched.

"Is everything ok?" Cathie asks concern filling her eyes and her tone.

"No, not really. If it was really ok, then right now if be saving the world and fighting aliens instead f drinking stupid tea and having stupid biscuits but noooo I'm here instead of out there!" He snaps. Shock fills Cathie's face as she stares at him, he rarely snapped like that and raised his voice. "I'm sorry," he then mutters in a small voice.

And suddenly, just like that he looks small and fragile, if he were to look in the mirror he would imagine himself looking much like she did when she first told him. When he last saw her.

"What's going on?" Cathie asks, gnawing her lip in worry for the man sitting opposite her. There have been few times he has acted like this, all linked with...

"Is river ok?" She asks and that's when the damn breaks. The damn he had been building inside him for so long. Concealing the tears and build up of emotions. It all came crashing out at once, the anxiety, worry, sadness, betrayal, broken. All at once and now the flood begins.

His face becomes a river in itself as he cries. Still crying half anhour later but strong enough to talk he tells her everything if what happened that night.

XXFLASHBACKXX

"Doctor," River said "I need to go."

"Go? But we still have plenty time to get you back to your cell and his is a time machine remember?" He says excitedly. "We have all the time in the world, me and you partners in crime."

"No sweetie," she had said gaining his attention. "I need to leave...for good. We both know you can't keep up this facade any longer. You never wanted another child for fear of losing them, I can see your fears and unless you talk to me about them then I will leave." He had stared at her shocked by this new announcement: he knew she was pregnant and yes he had his fears but this was with river. The only psychopath in the universe who would ever make him smile that way in which only she saw. He loved her and already loved their child. Yet as the night wore on an argument occurred and she left for good.

XXENDOFFLASHBACKXX

"Christ," Cathie says whilst comforting him "you should of gone after her. You still should, she is your wife and she needs you. Go find her and open up to her about your feelings. Dot just sit around doing nothing."

The Doctor looks at her, tears still glistening in his eyes.

"what if I don't find her?"he asks worry clouding his mind.

"you will," is Cathie's reply.

2 WEEKS LATER

he watches her sleep; she was peaceful in sleep. Smiling to himself feeling happy for the first time since she left. The loneliness was gone an ld replaced with comfort. He no longer felt hurt by her not being around, by her Goode of letting him look after her. There was only stability...well for now. Once he had found her, he let the damn inside him open up and told her everything. He had been so nervous and in response she had slapped him.

"Three weeks," she had shouted at him. Yet she had listened and had decided I say with him for a while.

Gently lying down beside her he holds her close and she releases a content sigh, snuggling up in her sleep. Yes. The loneliness was definitely gone and replaced with that felling of home, brought out by only River.

**A/N: so that's the end of my first posted Doctor Who story, hope y'all enjoyed :)**


	2. Jennys Woe

**A/N: Hey guys, so this was requested to be made into a series so I have made a collection of 10 one shots all about a lonely heart. This will be Doctor and River orientated however, there will be other pairings too, but this was made for a friend whose OTP is River and the Doctor hence why it's them it's oriented around. Anyways enjoy my lovely followers ****J**

**This is the second chapter and is based on Jenny and Vastra.**

Hurt. Pain. That is what she felt. It hadn't always been like this. There wasn't all these negative emotions building up inside her. There had once been a time of trust. Of love. Now there's loneliness, the type where no one really understands because no one has ever been in a situation anything like this one. It had started as small feelings and thoughts but had begun to grow into something larger. She was beginning to feel used and unwanted. Sure she was told that she was loved, wanted. That she was pretty. Yet anyone can say those three words _you are pretty._ It doesn't take much. So maybe that's what she was, an object of beauty used to be shown off. To be displayed to everyone around, kept locked up and made unavailable. She wondered if she had always felt this way and had just brushed it all off due to what she was felt towards them.

Conflict struck through her as she tried to grasp the emotions and turmoil that had begun. She was at war with herself and had no idea how to control the raging storm of feelings that clouded her mind. A person shouldn't be made to feel this way, so neglected and unwanted. The cold air nipped at her face as she took in a deep breath of the cold winter air. Around her children played in the snow and people hurried about, eager to get out of the cold and snow fall. Inside the shop she was stood outside familiar voices discussed business. A single tear falls down her cheek and she carefully wipes it away.

"Why is your face leaking lad?" Strax asks looking at her in his own way of confusion. Before he can make another remark she decided to interrupt.

"It's just the cold Strax, it is a very cold day," Jenny replies.

"I see," and with that the conversation is extinguished and Jenny is left alone to her thoughts again. Pulling her coat tighter around her she shivered, but not from the cold, from the thoughts that were consuming her and eating her from the inside. She hated feeling this way, being made to feel this way. Yet was Vastra really to blame for any of this? That was a question Jenny didn't know the answer to. It was draining her energy all these thoughts, these emotions. She was tired and was lately becoming clumsy. Any household chores she worked at would be ruined and messed up due to something she hadn't paid attention to. Just last week she had broken plates by not paying attention to where she was going.

Then a few days ago she had knocked over several vases through the course of the day, which in turn one of them led to Strax slipping and breaking the new plates that had just arrived. She would make excuses but was unsure as to how much longer she could keep up these excuses. She was becoming an empty void, a person with no real emotions but a cold emptiness. The emotions she did feel were dark, the ones that people don't need to be constantly haunted with. They tie you down and drown you in waves.

As Vastra made her way out the shop she turned to Jenny and Strax.

"Now that's sorted out we can go home, come along," she says and Jenny follows. Every step hurts and feels numb. Her head is light headed as she tries to keep her thoughts calm and collected, her face as is to be expected. That was all she is, a shell of the expectations of society.

"Jenny are you alright?" Vastra asks once they reach home.

"Yes ma'am perfectly fine," Jenny replies not meeting her eyes. Looking into her eyes will probably result in a breakdown, something she could not let happen.

"You seem very quiet and distant," Vastra pauses as if mulling something over before saying "meet me in my study in an hour," with that she walks off leaving Jenny no time to answer.

An hour later Jenny bites her lip as she walks to the study. A plan in her mind set and determined, she knows this is the only way, she must end her suffering and if this is her only option she will go with it. Knocking on the door she enters when she hears the voice beckoning to her.

"You called for me ma'am," Jenny says keeping her voice calm and even.

"Yes, is something wrong my love," Vastra asks. A knife twisting in her heart.

"Actually ma'am there is something I wish to discuss. I wish to hand in my resignation." Upon hearing this Vastra looks up shock and alarm on her face.

"Jenny," Vastra begins.

"No ma'am," Jenny says interrupting her "I cannot go on being treated like an object anymore," a single tear falls down her face "You may not see it or understand how I feel, but when we got married we promised to care for each other but were drifting apart and I cannot continue this way any longer. "

A finger on her lips astonishes her as she looks at Vastra in the eyes for the first time in a while. So much emotion was present that Jenny began to feel her eyes water and her vision blurred, the emotions had been so pure, so strong that Jenny could only feel loved.

"You are my wife, no matter what anyone says. If you feel so insignificant just talk to me about it, do not hide this Jenny. You're not an object to me," With that Jenny nods, it wasn't perfect not yet, there were still a lot of kinks to be straightened and work to be done. But this was the start of getting on track to fixing their relationship and for her lonely heart to no longer be feeling so alone.

**A/N: Okay so that was chapter 2 of the Lonely Heart, I shall not reveal who is up next as I am uncertain which order to present the one shots in but I hope you have enjoyed and will continue to read. x**


End file.
